Rough Drafts

This area is the first drafts of every piece that I have included in my ePortfolio. Some of the rough drafts look very different from when they started to how they finished.


Fiction

Title for your story?

Theexcitement[Office1] as his[Office2] name is called up next. Nervous energy fills his body as he walks to home plate. One practice swing, just because he saw his favorite player, Ziel Karrara, do it in a game. The feeling of his bat, heavy in his hands. He sets his feet shoulder width apart and looks up towards the pitcher’s mound. One runner on base, his best friend Tryn. He looks up and gets ready to hit the ball that is coming towards him. Swinging the bat forcefully, he makes contact with the ball and the ball goes flying into the air. “HOME RUN” screams the announcer, and he runs around the bases as the rest of his teammates come out to congratulate him. The team has won the game because of his two-run home run.

            This is Zarden’s favorite memory of his baseball career thus far. He was one of the best players on his team, the Kiren Sluggers. He liked being the player on the team that his teammates could count on to produce a game winning run when they needed it most. When it was all said and done, he is scared that he will never have this feeling again. Kiren, Mars: a quiet, little city on the outskirts of the biggest city on the planet of Mars. It is home to one school systems, lots of families with big opinions and home to twelve-year-old Zarden Lote and his family[Office3] .

            “Zarden, I think it would be a good idea for you to get out and play again,” Zarden’s mom said. 

“What’s the point, Mom? I have one arm, and I’m not even going to be able to hold the bat let alone hit the ball. The stupid fake arm that I have won’t let me do anything,” Zarden said. 

“Honey, you haven’t even tried to play baseball since the accident. I know that it won’t be the same for you, but you can at least try right? Baseball makes you so happy, and it makes me so sad to see you so sad.”

“Mom, I can’t play anymore. People will make fun of me, because I only have one arm. I can’t, I just can’t do it.”

“Honey, can you just try to hold the bat? Maybe just try now? No one knows about the accident or about what happened. Maybe try it here, at home.”

            Zarden gives his mom a look of disapproval, but he knows it would make her happy. He wanted to try it too because he knows that if he can hold the bat, maybe, just maybe he could play again. 

“Ok, I’m going to try. But I want to do this by myself. I don’t want you to come out here and watch me.” Zarden explains to his mom. 

As Zarden walks outside, he looks back to see his mom smiling to herself. She[Office4] knows that she just wants her son to be happy. 

“Ok, I can do this. All I have to do is put both hands on the bat, pick it up, and hold it in the air as if I were going to swing.” Zarden says to himself. “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.” 

He picks up the bat and holds it up in the air as if he were to swing. Smiling from ear to ear, he brings the bat around in a swinging motion. No pain, but no strength, as he thinks to himself, “I can swing the bat, but I don’t think I could hit the ball.” 

Pleased enough, he throws the bat onto the ground and runs inside to tell his parents. His mom, obviously ecstatic, throws her arms around her son and hugs him tightly. His dad, who had just gotten home from work, also gives his son a big hug. 

A few weeks have gone by and Zarden is outside playing baseball every single day so he can regain his strength. He enlists the help from his dad and his best friend Tryn. They work[Office5] every day for a month to get Zarden back into baseball shape. 

Now was the time for Zarden to go back to the field. He ached for that feeling of swinging the bat with all of his might and hitting the ball out of the park. He missed hanging out with his friends in the dugout. He missed hearing the crowd cheering and yelling. It’s time, and he knows it. 

“Hey, maybe you’ll be able to pick right back up where you left off? I think Coach will let you play right away because you were the best player out there.” Tryn said as they walked to the baseball diamond. 

“I’ll be like Ziel Karrara when he was on the injured list and came back and hit a three-run home run in the bottom of the fifth inning against the Martians team. Man, that game was insane!” exclaimed Zarden. 

“I think you’re the only one who remembers that[Office6] , dude. I don’t know how you can remember all of these old baseball plays” says Tryn. 

“Baseball is just the best. I love to watch all of the games and watch the best of the best play. It is so cool!” explains Zarden. 

They finally make it to the dugout where the rest of the team is waiting to get started. Zarden came prepared: wearing his prosthetic and a long sleeve shirt to hide it. He didn’t want to give anyone a reason to make fun of him. He just wanted to play baseball again. When he walked past his teammates, he got a bunch of confused and judgmental looks. The looks on people’s faces looked like they had just seen a one-legged kangaroo on a unicycle. 

“What are you doing here? My mom said you were in an accident and you lost an arm?” said one of his teammates. 

“He came to play baseball, same as you guys.” Tryn fires back. 

“Won’t you just bring the team down? Can you even hold the bat or swing it or even play second base anymore? I’m sure you can’t so you should just go home” says the bully teammate. 

“I can do everything I used to be able to do. I can do this” Zarden says optimistically.

“Yeah ok I guess we’ll see. If you mess this up for us, I’ll have my mom get you kicked off the team for good” the boy challenges. 

The boy walked away thinking he was all that and a bag[Office7] of chips. As the team went through their general pre-game warm up, all Zarden could think about was if he truly did belong here.  Would he just bring the team down? What if he couldn’t hit the ball or even catch the ball when playing defense? What would people think then? Becoming preoccupied with all of these thoughts racing through his head, Zarden wasn’t paying attention and accidently smashed into his teammate who was running in the opposite direction as him. Zarden fell hard to the ground. When he caught himself though, his prosthetic arm fell off and his arm was now bare. Everyone could see the scar where the doctors had to stich up the skin that remained. Everyone could see the nub where the arm was supposed to be but was no longer there. 

“More of a reason to not play right, Zarden?” said the teammate who gave him a hard time from before. “You can’t even complete the warm up. What makes you think you can play in the game?” 

The boy, again acting like a jock who had just taken someone’s lunch money, held his head him[Office8] , as if he were better than everyone else, and walked towards the bench. Some of the other boys showed sympathetic looks as they wanted to say something but thought it was best to just leave it alone[Office9] . The game was about to start and Zarden was riding the bench. 

Embarrassed and sad, Zarden watched the game from the comfort of the dugout. “Maybe I won’t play today, but I can be the best teammate out here” Zarden said to himself. He cheered everyone on, high-fived the teammates with good plays, and gave advice to the teammates who didn’t. 

“Zarden, you’re up! Let’s see what you can do” Coach says. It was the middle of the fourth inning, and he was pinch hitting for the right-fielder. Zarden couldn’t believe that he was getting the chance to play. 

Jumping up from the bench, Zarden walks over to the bat rack, picks up his bat and walks over to his coach. 

“Just have fun buddy” says coach. 

“Thanks coach” Zarden exclaims. 

Now he could hear his name being called by the announcer followed by cheers from the crowd. As Zarden walks up to home plate, he can feel the adrenaline rushing through his body. He is ready. He wraps both hands around the base of the bat, feeling the weight of it in his hands. He picks it up like it is as light as a feather though. He takes a practice swing, just like Ziel Karrara does it. Then, he steps up to the plate, plants his feet, and waits for the pitcher to throw the ball towards him. He can feel the breeze blow his jersey, but it feels good. The pitcher gets ready to throw the ball. He winds up his arm, and then, before he knew it, the ball was speeding towards Zarden like a car speeds to run the yellow light before it turns red. Zarden times it perfectly. He begins his swing, rotates his hips to get as much power as he can, and makes contact with the ball. He hit the ball as hard as he could. He felt the ball leap off his bat, and he dropped the bat and began to run towards first base. 

The breeze rushing through his jersey, whipping against his face as we raced towards the base. He passes the first baseman and the umpire, who is motioning that he is safe. 

With a smile stretching from ear to ear, Zarden finally felt the best feeling in the world yet again. He could hear the cheers from all around: the crowd and his teammates. This is what he had missed, and he finally had the chance to do it again. 


 [Office1]The short story will look like an academic essay with paragraph tabs and no extra spaces between paragraphs.

 [Office2]Starting with the person you’re focusing on would be helpful and guide readers into the story more easily.

 [Office3]I enjoy how you introduce me to this world and the main character.

 [Office4]She knows or should this be he knows?

 [Office5]You shift from present tense above to past tense here. You will need to decide which tense you want to work with in this story (present makes it feel like it’s happening as the reader reads it, and past is what is most often used for story telling). I recommend you revise your tense for consistency before workshop.

 [Office6]Funny.

 [Office7]funny—I haven’t heard this expression in a while. It fits with Zarden’s love of baseball history.

 [Office8]should this be high?

 [Office9]Maybe one of them can pick up his arm and give it back to him? That would be a big, though quiet, gesture of support.

Go


Mains

Coq au Vin d’Alsace
Chicken cooked in Riesling with onions, mushrooms and herbs
$25.50

Bouillabaisse
Traditional Provençal fish stew, with shrimp, mussels, clams and monkfish
$26.00

Sole Meunière
Pan-fried sole in butter and served with brown butter sauce, parsley and lemon
$28.00

Côte de Boeuf
60 days aged rib steak, pepper sauce, fondant potatoes
$31.00

Duck à l’Orange
Roasted duck breast with crispy skin and velvety citrus sauce
$26.50

Pea and Asparagus Risotto
With goat’s cheese, rocket and baby shoot salad
$22.00


Desserts

Chocolate Macarons
A classic French delicacy, filled with rich chocolate ganache
$12.00

Crêpe Suzette
Delicate crêpe in buttery, orange sauce; served flambé
$13.00

Praline Cake
Multi-layer praline and chocolate cake with caramel cream cheese
$12.00

Tarte Tatin
Sticky caramel sauce with apples, served with whipped cream
$12.00

Lemon Tart
zesty lemon tang, creamy custard and topped with meringue
$12.00

Trio of Fruit
Blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, plums and passion fruit
$28.00


Our fish is responsibly caught from sustainable sources.